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Beginning to end the authors do an excellent job of laying out the issues and discussing their position based on research. There are however only subtle differences in content between a number of the chapters in the book which made the book a slightly longer read. The epilogue was an attempt to address negotiation in the home. Although in good spirit I feel that this was lacking. It would be beneficial for a Christian mother of two or more daughters who is educated in this field to write this piece; or an entire book on this topic, as I feel it could stand on its own. This book seems to be in stark contrast to ?Wild At Heart? by John Eldredge. I would like a to read a book written by someone like John Eldredge that incorporates these ideas ? that would be a good read!

I would recommend this book to any working woman for obvious reasons. I would also recommend this book to any male manager as he has a duty to extend benefits that a man negotiates to an equally qualified woman. Men in a leadership role look at themselves at the top, whereas women in this role seem themselves in the center. Male managers need to understand these differences in thinking as do women in the workplace.

Introduction

The book starts with the overall premise that women often don?t realize they can ask. Women often take a situation ?as is? and do not attempt to affect the outcome. This is due to several reasons including the focus women have from childhood on the needs of others rather than their own. The book also discuss how social behavior dictates that women act a certain way lest be called ?bitchy?. Another interesting point to note is that men are evaluated on potential whereas women are evaluated based on their performance. Lastly, the authors point out that even though there are wildly successful women it doesn?t mean the problem does not persist.

Chapter 1

As mentioned above, women perceive a situation to be more fixed and absolute. That it is less negotiable than it really is. They tend to have a belief or feeling that someone or something else is in control. The chapter mentions gender roles and how from the early onset of childhood these are communicated and enforced. By an early age these roles are fully in place. Examples are given on how men are ?in charge? such as paying for dinner, fixing things around the house, and driving the family.

Women assume they must wait to be given things they want. The authors discuss a ?turnip to oyster? scale and how men typically see situations as more opportunistic (life is an oyster). Men feel that life is more in their control ? they have a low ?locus of control? as the author states meaning they affect their life and make their own opportunities. This is contrasted with women who to tend to have a high locus of control ? meaning they have a feeling that life ?happens? to them. Women think their hard work will result in a raise ? that they expect things to be ?fair?. As mentioned above, a clear takeaway from the book is that a good manager should extend an offer asked by a man to an equally qualified woman. Also, a good manager should also identify if women aren?t being utilized fully. The authors feel that can become more aware and turn ?turnips into oysters?.

Chapters 2-3

Chapter two titled ?A Price Higher than Rubies? states a very interesting point on how women are equally to more satisfied with their pay than a man ? even though they earn less! They go on to state that women report that they are more satisfied because they often expect less in the first place. Sixty to seventy percent of women have a hard time asking for things for themselves. This is a major theme in the book. Even assertive, confident and successful business women who are good negotiators have difficulty when it comes time to ask for something for themselves.

The authors then go into the psychological and sociological factors such as ?social norms? impact women in negotiation. They discus how we think the way we do because of these social norms. These norms have been in place for thousands of years and perpetuated throughout history. They are evident in what we think are the differences between ?women?s work? and ?men?s work?. Women are penalized for acting outside these norms.

Pay allocation studies have shown that women expect smaller rewards for the same work and have a lower feeling of entitlement. Book gives some powerful examples of studies that even prove women hold and perpetuate these same beliefs ? that women expect other women to work longer. The authors bring up interesting points in relation to younger women today vs. past generations. One would assume today?s young women would have a higher level of entitlement. This is clearly not true and has been proven in research studies in ?gender gap? entitlement.

Chapter 4

This chapter discusses differences between how women and men influence people. It is stated that women must be liked in order to influence. The chapter overall discusses how women acting outside the gender norms can be ill received by men as well as women. There is a double standard in society today in the way we judge the behavior and actions of women. Women adjust their behavior more than men when they are in public versus private. Experiment was done where men and women were told to work until they ?earned? four dollars. Men would work the same amount of time regardless of whether they were observed or not. Women however worked 52% longer than men when being observed. Authors states this is ?because they fear the penalties for counter-stereotypical behavior. It is stated that women can still get what they want while keeping in their gender norms although this is a lot more work and something men do not have to burden themselves with. This is discussed more in Chapter 8.

Chapter 5

This chapter is about anxiety. Women fear that asking for what they want will harm the relationship with the person they need to ask. Women define themselves by their relationships whereas men do by abilities, possessions and accomplishments. The authors mention the psychological concept of ?self-schemas? or ?construals? (pg. 118). This is an interesting concept of which I am not familiar however the authors state that men tend to have independent self-schemas and define themselves in their uniqueness. Women tend to have interdependent self-schemas and define themselves in terms of their connections to others. This means that women view their relationships as an integral part of their being.

The authors states that even when women knowingly need to and are prepared to negotiate they sometimes don?t. This was one of the only points in the book with which I take serious issue. If a woman knowingly realizes she must negotiate and is prepared to do so, she must ? period. It is their duty to act in the business world. Inaction is inexcusable. The authors even state men are also anxious prior to a negotiation but that they overcome the feeling. Another point made by the authors that I take issue with is they state that women have a hard time seeing things as ?just business? when an argument is made then forgotten.

Chapters 6-7

Chapter six, titled ?Low Goals and Safe Target? covers how women ask for too little and give in too soon. Women typically have lower opening offers than men which seriously impact the final price in a negotiation. By aiming higher and sticking to their guns women would do better in negotiating. Chapter seven is very much a continuation of the previous chapter. A notable comment made by the authors (pg. 149) state that women even expect other women to accept less and offer a lower opening amounts in negotiation. This chapter is definitely worth the read. Another point made was that women should be good at building and participating in business networks. The problem is that they are often gender-specific.

Chapter 8

The book ends exactly as it must ? on a positive note. The approach of women oftentimes truly benefit both parties. Women are better at tactics needed for integrative negotiation (when multiple issues are negotiated). Women will in time change the face of negotiation. The art of negotiation today already teaches that men need to think and act more like women (when appropriate). Better use of information sharing and including of others in decision making will achieve better results.

In my opinion a passage in Chapter 5 (pg. 123) would have been a better closing paragraph of the book:

Aggressive negotiation behavior such as making extreme demands, refusing to concede, and bullying the other side can sit up a lot of conflict and damage relationships. But this doesn?t mean that women should avoid negotiation altogether. Nor does it mean that women should forget about their relationships. Instead, women need to acknowledge that they almost always have dual goals in a negotiation ? issues-related goals and relationship goals ? and that they need to find ways to achieve both. Fortunately, the past 20 years of negotiation research have shown that everyone, both men and women, can benefit by embracing both of these goals when they negotiate. (?Fear of Asking? Babcock and Laschever, page 123).